George Carlin has narrated 5 audiobooks on Listento.it by 1 author, with an average listener rating of 4.6★ across 172 ratings. The most-rated is George Carlin Reads to You.
George Carlin Reads to You
Summary
If one George Carlin audio is funny, then two are funnier and three must be funniest, right? That's our thinking behind this new collection. It's a HighBridge library of laugh-out-loud, award-winning recordings featuring George himself performing many of his best bits. The set includes: Brain Droppings Acerbic observations, manic musings, in-your-face questions, witty word play, and more "droppings" from Carlin's singular brain. "I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed." "Why are there no recreational drugs taken in suppository form?" The first Carlin book on audio and a 2001 Grammy winner. Napalm & Silly Putty Carlin invents Past-Tense TV (Got Smart, Father Knew Best, It Was Left to Beaver); crusades for the Center for Research into the Heebie Jeebies; founds the George Carlin Book Club (recommended reading: Fill Your Life with Croutons); and suggests that "If the shoe fits, get another just like it." A 2002 Grammy winner. More Napalm & Silly Putty Everything that wouldn't fit on the first Napalm recording - like "A Day in the Life of Henry VIII", "Sports Should Be Fixed", compelling confessions ("I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it"), and candid takes on life's little moments ("I'm beyond the nice day"), all delivered with wicked glee.
©1997, 2000 Comedy Concepts, Inc. (P)2000-2002 HighBridge Company
When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
Summary
Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers. Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence. He also has a silly side: You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop. A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed." I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion. I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home. Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands. When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me. Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.
©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc. (P)2004 Hyperion
Brain Droppings
Summary
The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, George Carlin shares all-new, cutting-edge opinion and observational humor in this best seller. Carlin demolishes everyday values and leaves you laughing out loud. Learn what he thinks of sports fans, how he would improve the TV networks, his suggestions for "Legal Murder Once a Month," and his plan for "World Peace Through Dancing." Performed by Carlin himself, and filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny.
©1997 Comedy Concepts, Inc. (P)16 9; 2000 HighBridge Company
Napalm & Silly Putty
Summary
He was the inventor of Past-Tense TV (featuring Got Smart, Father Knew Best, and It Was Left to Beaver); the tireless crusader for such charities as the Center for Research into the Heebie Jeebies, Children of Parents with Bad Teeth, and the State Hospital for Those Who Felt All Right About a Year Ago; founder of the George Carlin Book Club (top titles: How to Act Laid-Back During a Grease Fire, Fill Your Life with Croutons, and The Meaning of Corn); and the only social commentator with the guts to point out that "the day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life." Yes, George Carlin is here with more of what he did better than any other comic: uproarious observations, laser-targeted crankiness, linguistic legerdemain, and inspired weirdness. ("If the shoe fits, get another just like it." "When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.") Napalm & Silly Putty is just what his fans have been waiting for—another generous helping of notions, nonsense, assertions, assumptions, mockery, merriment, silliness, sarcasm, and, to be sure, plenty of disturbing references and toxic alienation. George wouldn't have it any other way.
©1987 Original material by Comedy Concepts, Inc. (P)2001 HighBridge Company
More Napalm and Silly Putty
Summary
A companion to the best selling Napalm and Silly Putty, George Carlin's More Napalm and Silly Putty picks up where the original left off, with: More dog moments ("Life is a series of dogs.") Musings on "have a nice day" ("I'm beyond the nice day.") Questionable expressions ("Legally drunk. If it's legal, what's the problem?") Meditations on the nature of time ("We made the whole thing up.") More laser-sharp observations, tough questions, philosophical musings, linguistic legerdemain, and inspired weirdness in these unabridged excerpts from the thinking man's comic - and three-time Grammy winner!
©2000 Comedy Concepts, Inc. (P)2002 HighBridge Company