Justin Halpern has 3 audiobooks on Listento.it, narrated by 3 narrators, with an average listener rating of 4.8★ across 27 ratings. The most-rated is Sh-t My Dad Says.
Sh-t My Dad Says
Summary
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him: “That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.” “Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.” “The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.” More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers
I Suck at Girls
Summary
Audie Award Nominee, Humor, 2013 "Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier." Fans of the number-one best seller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel f**king universe." But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters. Full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom, it's also full of new characters just as funny—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals, to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.
©2012 Justin Halpern (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers
Sh*t: Ansichten meines Dads
Summary
Justin Halpern ist 28 und frischgebackener Single, als er wieder bei seinem Dad einzieht. Sam Halpern ist 73, Spezialist für Nuklearmedizin und pensioniert. Aber vor allem ist Dad einzigartig. Es gibt wohl niemanden, der seine zahlreichen Ansichten zum Leben - vor allem dem seines Sohnes - so unverhohlen und frei von falscher Rücksichtnahme zum Ausdruck bringt wie Sam Halpern. Ob Töpfchentraining, die richtige Einstellung zu Hausaufgaben oder Beziehungskrisen: Ohne Dads verbalen Beistand hätte Justin all das kaum gemeistert. Und wenn doch, wäre es zumindest nicht so lustig gewesen.
Justin Halperns Hörbuch über seine gemeinsamen Jahre mit Dad sind nicht nur eine Liebeserklärung an einen großartigen Mann, sondern auch eine Schatztruhe unvergesslicher Leitsätze für alle Lebenslagen.
©2011 Manhattan (P)2011 Random House Audio