Robyn Peterman has 40 audiobooks on Listento.it, narrated by 20 narrators, with an average listener rating of 4.6★ across 65 ratings. The most-rated is Fashionably Dead.
A Witch in Time
Summary
One of these things is not like the others - life-threatening community theatre, wire hangers, chipmunks, tree-house sex-capades with a hot werewolf and head-shrinking with a porno-loving rabbit shifter. Actually none of these things are even remotely like the others, but it's my life and I'm going to make the pieces fit into a perfect puzzle - even if I have to shove it together and glue it with magic. New leaf, new leaf, new freakin' leaf. Caring for people wasn't in my repertoire until I landed in Assjacket, West Virginia. Falling in love wasn't anywhere on my agenda. It's messy. However, I've been told messy is what showers and therapy are for. I'm hoping that info is correct because Goddess knows I'm trying. Never until now have I been a witch that wanted it all - the guy, the job, the friends and the place called home. Now I just have to fix my slightly irresponsible and somewhat unstable witchy ways so I deserve it. I'm going for perfect or at least a loose definition of the word. Messy, here I come.
©2016 Robyn Peterman (P)2016 Robyn Peterman
The Bad Boys of Assjacket
Summary
A dare is a dare. No self-respecting, slightly chubby, good-lookin’, crime lovin’ cat would ever pass up a dare. So I didn’t. Now, me and my boys are in hot water trying to figure out how to live on the right side of the law for a whole freakin’ week! This is complicated by a couple of hairy issues: The half-headed bear in town had his privates pilfered. We have vowed to return his giggleberries. Legal means are not working. Sassy’s Canadian tutors show up - the furry, cat-burgling dames who we’ve been in love with our entire nine lives. In order to woo the gorgeous broads, we need to be at our criminal best. We need the help of a foul-mouthed troll who throws tantrums like a three-year-old serial killer and wants to bump off everyone. Throw in a cryptic message from the Goddess, humans invading our town and evil, sticky-fingered groundhogs, and we have a hot mess on our paws. I hope we have a few of our kitty lives left because the Bad Boys of Assjacket are going to save the day or get 86'd trying.
©2020 Robyn Peterman (P)2020 Robyn Peterman
Fashionably Flawed
Summary
You think your job is tedious? Try being the Harbinger of Evil for a day. I dare you.... What's the Devil to do when his fire no longer burns away his sins and Fate is screwing with his...well, fate? Easy - lie, cheat, steal, and dictate my questionably accurate autobiography-slash-romance-novel to my unwilling and outstandingly rude Vampyre niece. Welcome to my Hell. A mysterious darkness is gunning for me and this time it might prevail, but I have little time to worry about that. Instead of seeking it out, I shall simply go about business as usual. If it's fated, it will find me. My list is long. Traveling to Earth to promote my best-selling romance novel at an alarming book convention where I must protect my privates from the rabid lady readers is enough to frighten even the Devil. Not to mention, I have to avoid my insane mother like the plague and catch the smart-mouthed, gorgeous soul seller on Earth - who may or may not be someone I'd like to keep. So today is a day like any other. Punishments must be doled out and chaos must be encouraged. A vacation would be lovely, but there is no rest for the weary...or the evil. Luckily I know how to have an outstanding time doing outrageously bad things. Thank Hades, I'm a handsome bastard. There is no fated happily ever after for the Prince of Darkness, no matter what ridiculous ending my niece slaps onto my autobiography. Or is there? Fate is a bitch, but she usually gets it right.
©2017 Robyn Peterman (P)2017 Audible, Inc.
Tallulah's Temptation
Summary
Pirate Doug What in the Chicken of the Sea was I thinking to agree to this half-arsed Otherworld Defense Agency mission? I’m the most absurdly good looking vampire pirate of the High Seas. Being on the run for my life is very important work…and a freaking full-time job. Defending mermaids from some vicious sea hags is going to cut into my pilfering time. Unacceptable. Even though this is a very bad move on my part, I know I’ll eventually agree - too many bounties on my arse to refuse, and the thought of a certain mermaid makes my roger quite jolly. However, Tallulah, the leader of the Mystical Isle Pod of Mermaids, isn’t going to be happy to see me…at all. The horrible, sexy, breathtaking woman has been starring in my dreams for too many years to count. Sadly, just when my mind wanders to the really good nookie part, the dream ends with her lopping my Johnson off. I just hope to Hell and back that the sea hags have some outstanding booty to steal. If I’m going to have to regrow my tallywhacker, the treasure had better damned well be worth it. Tallulah Running a tourist trap for humans in the Bermuda Triangle had sounded like a fine plan - until it wasn’t. With the sea hags gunning for our island and ruining our questionably successful business, I did what any desperate mermaid would do. I called for backup. Of course, getting help from the Otherworld Defense Agency is risky as they don’t usually deal with ocean creatures. Whatever. Desperate times call for crappy measures. Chances are they’ll send freaking pirates. I hate pirates.... Well, I hate one pirate in particular. Hopefully, it won’t be the one seafaring jackhole I despise more than any other. Pirate Doug would be an idiot to show his face here after what he’d done. Not only did the dumbass abscond with our treasure, the son-of-a-bitch took my heart with him as well. I’ll tear his sorry ass to shreds if he so much as steps even one hairy toe on my island.
©2018 Robyn Peterman (P)2018 Audible, Inc.
Three's a Charm
Summary
What's a witch to do when her magic is on the fritz and there's a huge pile of laundry to be done? Easy. Flood the entire house. Everyone wants a bubbly indoor freakin' swimming pool...right? Just when everything is right in my life, something has to go wrong - times three. Number one: an unknown evil force wants to steal my power. Now, instead of protecting and healing the whacked-out inhabitants of Assjacket, my power has wonked out on me, and I've blasted ginormous holes all over town. Not to mention Roger the Rabbit is now sporting a pentagon of penii thanks to me and is keen on contacting the Guinness Book of World Records. Unacceptable. Armed with questionable voodoo skills and seriously frayed nerves, I'm two: gonna do what any partially-sane, potty-mouthed witch would do.... I'm calling in the semi-evil, butt-ugly Bermangoggleshitz to train me. The warlock's penchant for push-ups makes me hate him with the fire of a thousand suns, but if I can't control my dark magic, it will control me. Way unacceptable. With Sassy and Cookie Witch by my side, I'll three: get a handle on my dark voodoo - or doodoo, as I've renamed it - so Assjacket won't end up as one massive crater. And I need all the help I can get. An evil like we've never seen is gunning for us - specifically me. Wildly unacceptable. We'll be the Three Amigos. The Three Musketeers. The Three Stooges. Whatever. As the saying goes...three's a crowd, three's company, three's a party. Nope. Three's a charm. And I'm gonna turn it on for all I'm worth.
©2018 Robyn Peterman (P)2018 Robyn Peterman
Fashionably Fanged
Summary
I have to trap the most evil, worst bad dude in existence without actually turning him to ash. So, what's a Vampyre to do? For starters, enter an undead beauty pageant - in Oklahoma, where the hair is jacked and the contestants are busty and brainless. My name is Venus. I'm a 200-year-old killing machine, and I'm trading in my daggers and sword for a sparkly dress and an obscene swimsuit. Tiny strips of Lycra are not my typical battle wear, but when in Oklahoma... Armed with a fairly decent attitude, two debatably heterosexual insane old ladies, a woman I'd wanted to kill less than eight hours ago, and the possible love of my undead life, I'm in over my head with this. Of course I have no clue what this is going to entail, but that's never stopped me before. I'm learning quickly nothing is as it seems - not my past and least of all my future. With the not-so-angelic Angels watching our every move and more butt glue, lipstick, and hairspray than I knew existed, I'm gonna take my fate by the balls and twist. Hard. In a race with death for the cursed life of the man I'm falling in love with, there's no room for error. Especially when I can't decide if I'd rather head butt him or jump his sexy bones. Mixed up in a tangled trap of spotlights, sequins, and seduction, I'm gunning for a crown and my happily ever after with the arrogant alpha-hole who makes me feel alive. And the winner is... Hopefully me.
©2017 Robyn Peterman (P)2017 Audible, Inc.
Fashionably Hotter Than Hell
Summary
What does a frustrated Vampyre do when the woman he's chased for 200 years is still trying to get away? He plays dirty, that's what. Welcome to my own personal hell. Name: Heathcliff. Occupation: Vampyre Warrior - one of the deadliest in the world. I plan. I fight. I win. Always. However, it's never taken me this damned long to get what I want before. Only I would be blessed with a Vampyre mate I'd have to chase for two centuries. The chemistry between us is steamy, and the sex is sizzling, but I want more - I want it all. Now, just as I'm finally wearing Raquel down, I find I have competition, not for my mate's hand but for her very existence. Raquel may run and she may hide, but she is mine, and I will no longer take no for an answer. Whatever is in the way between us doesn't matter. We were made for each other. Nothing anyone can do will change that simple fact...except maybe the Trolls...or the Wraiths...or the reclusive, insane Vampyre sister of my King who wants to drink my mate dry for reasons no one will freakin' explain to me. Damn it, I thought the chase was difficult...keeping Raquel alive might prove to be my undoing.
©2016 Robyn Peterman (P)2016 Audible, Inc.
Ariel's Antics
Summary
Ariel: What in the clam shell does a mermaid have to do to find true love? I’m bored. And if I’m being honest, I’m jealous. I want my sister to have her happily ever after. I do. But I want my own adventures and my own true love. For 200 years, I’ve suffered through one immortal asshat after another while stuck on Mystical Isle. And while running a tourist trap for humans might be entertaining, I’m never going to find my true love in this sea of monotony. Of course, there is a Selkie...the sexiest, most idiotic man-seal I’ve ever had the misfortune of swimming across - definitely an asshat. Unfortunately, the dork still invades my dreams on a regular basis. I finally have a shot at an adventure. I must save our island home. However, the mission is to seek out the very Selkie who stole my heart...the same asshat whose johnson I’d tried to truncate. Holy hell and seashells. Only I would agree to a tsunami waiting to happen. Ask any tuna you happen to see: Who’s the craziest mermaid? That would be me. Keith: What in Poseidon’s rum-soaked arse does a 300-year-old Selkie do when his parents desert him and leave him to fend for himself? I mean, my gods, laundry and cooking are dangerous business. Wait. What would Aquaman do? More specifically - what would Jason Momoa do? He would save the day and the damsel.... I simply needed to find a day and a damsel to save. Maybe the only thing missing in my life is the beautiful blue-haired mermaid who wants to lop my johnson off. Wait. No. A johnsonless Selkie is not something to which I aspire. And to make matters worse, my mother is up my backside for grand-Selkies.... Grand-Selkies mean I have to impregnate someone. Impregnating someone means I have to find a mate. Finding a mate means I have to get a job and use my gift - whatever that is. This could be a problem. Whatever. I’m going for it. Why? Because that’s what freakin’ Aquaman would do.
©2018 Robyn Peterman (P)2018 Audible, Inc.
Jingle Me Balls
Summary
What in the salty seas could be more important than presents at Christmas time? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Tis’ Christmas time on Mystical Isle, and just like the fat bastard in red, I’ve made a list and now I shall check it...twice. Yeah, twice. I might wear a diaper, but I’m not an arse. Battle the human women in sweatpants and snow boots for electronics on Black Friday. Check. Cover each palm tree in lights even though the Mermaids insist they look phallic. Check. By the way, what does phallic mean? Never mind. Check. Moving on. Weave a Christmas tale during family story time on the beach, have a family portrait made in the special sweaters I pilfered, and write a letter to Santa. I mean, fat bastard...Check. Planning activities that may end in bloodshed. Check. That’s what I call a yuletide win, so check-check. The Mermaids have baked lovely Christmas cookies that will go wonderfully with the rum in my diaper. And everyone has voted to veto caroling since Pirate Doug has a singing voice that can kill...literally. The present exchange would be ruined if everyone was dead. Could my days be merrier or brighter? Uh, no. Check. It seems I have everything under control and Christmas on Mystical Isle will be unforgettable, or I’m not the Well-Hung God of the Sea, Poseidon. And I am. Check.
©2020 Robyn Peterman (P)2020 Audible, Inc.
Were We Belong
Summary
I need a new freakin’ job. It’s not what you think. I’m desperate to resign from the Werewolf Treaty Federation aka WTF. Don’t judge. I didn’t name this crew of misfit Shifters so hear me out. After investigating a deadly Jazz Cabbage outbreak, I discover we need a necromancing demon to help solve the crime. As luck would have it, my gay vampyre BFF, Dwayne, dated one of these gems several decades ago. Seems all we need to do is summon his evil butt into this plane of existence and poof, crisis solved. The question is, can we bring him back without causing a flesh-eating, end-of-the-world zombie apocalypse? With my hunky mate, insane Granny, and flamboyant Dwayne by my side, we have no choice but to succeed. If we don’t, the reveal of our existence to the human world is imminent. We are Shifters. Werewolves. WTF. Shift Happens all the time. But this time, we’re making sure only good shift goes down.
©2019 Robyn Peterman (P)2019 Audible, Inc.
Madison's Mess
Summary
What could possibly go wrong when a mermaid and a werewolf are sent on a dangerous mission by the drunken, diaper-wearing God of the Sea? Better question. What could possibly go right? Madison Unlike my sisters, I haven’t found my HEA. And I’m looking - hard. But finding a man who wants to blowhole dive in Hawaii on the first date is more difficult than you might imagine. I’ve been forced to settle for a few meaningless orgasms with men who disappear when I suggest fun activities, like scaling 20 stories while blindfolded. Look, I know meaningless nookie won’t help me find my happily-ever-after, or even a guy who believes tightrope handstands over the Grand Canyon are fun. But there is someone out there for me so next time I do the horizontal mambo, it’s for keeps. May the gods help me. Well, me and whoever I boink next. Rick Being a vegan werewolf has its drawbacks. I’ve been exiled from my pack and even the petting zoo of deer, rabbits, and raccoons I keep safely tucked away from my fellow weres isn’t enough to banish the loneliness I feel. Talking to myself is becoming dangerous. Just two days ago out of stupefying boredom, I made a wager with myself that I could fly. It didn’t end well. Thankfully Poseidon is sending me on a mission. Unfortunately, it’s with a crazy Mermaid who has a worse reputation for death-defying recreation than me. I have no clue what’s in store, but may the gods help me. Well, me and this swimming hottie, because I’m totally down.
©2019 Robyn Peterman (P)2019 Audible, Inc.
Sea Shenanigans: Volume 2
Summary
Come for the vacation. Stay for the shenanigans! Mermaids. Check. Pirates, werewolves, genies, and a drunken sea god. Check. Check. Check. Check. Come on an adventure with my mermaids and their unlikely heroes. Get three hilarious stories all in one big audiobook! The Sea Shenanigans series has been a delight to write and I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I loved writing it.
©2020 Robyn Peterman (P)2020 Audible, Inc.
A Fashionably Dead Diary
Summary
Getting blackmailed sucks. Getting blackmailed by Satan into ghost writing his autobiography/romance really sucks - hard. But I’m not a weenie or a welsher. I’m a semi-materialistic, Prada lovin’ Vampyre-Demon with a bad attitude and a serious lack of cheating skills. If I were a good cheater, I wouldn’t be in this heinous position. I lost, and now I have to pay. However, the price might deplete the wavering amount of sanity I have left...so I’m turning to you, dear diary, to pour out my inappropriate feelings and murderous inclinations toward a family member who shall remain nameless. Who in the hell am I kidding? I’m gonna name that butthole over and over on these secret pages. It’s Satan or Lucifer or the Lord of Darkness or the Dark Angel - or, as I like to call him, Uncle F--ker. That’s why I have chosen you, dear diary. You don’t have a mouth, as far as I know, and if you do, I’ll remove it - violently. Please keep that in mind as I tell you all my secrets. I’ve dealt with talking books and walls, and they’re a real pain in the ass. So if you turn out to be one of those, we’ll have a problem. Sit back. Relax, and get ready for a hellish ride. xoxo, Astrid Note from author: Dear lover of Lucifer, Astrid and all things Hot Damned aka fabulous reader, it’s me, Robyn Peterman - the insane creator of the Hot Damned series - with a little message for you. This is a Hot Damned extra! It’s short. It’s snarky, fun, and it’s short. If you haven’t litsened to Fashionably Flawed, audiobook nine, you will not understand this, and it has spoilers in it that will mess up your enjoyment of Fashionably Flawed. If you haven’t listened to any of the Hot Damned series, this will make no sense to you whatsoever. LOL. So, there you go. This is just a little ditty that I couldn’t get out of my head and thought the true fans of the Hot Damned series would enjoy. Astrid and Satan are two of my favorite characters, and I could write about them forever. Enjoy Astrid’s dairy of her month with Satan while writing his autobiography/romance. God knows I certainly did. LOL. xoxo, Robyn
©2017 Robyn Peterman (P)2018 Audible, Inc.
Switching Witches
Summary
Forecast for today? Partly good witch, with a 32 percent chance of broom rage. How in the Goddess’s name did I get stuck at the Witchypoo Convention at Rump Arena in Hexington, Kentucky? Whoops...my bad. Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky. Whatever. It’s like one cavernous indoor garage sale of “magic” crap. It’s nothing more than a convention of human wanna-be witches in pointy ankle boots and half-price black hats. And where in the Goddess’s gauchos did these humans get their info on witch-wear? Real witches wear Prada...and Stella McCartney and Alice and Olivia and...well, you get my point. Baba Yopaininmybutt sent me to root out the very evil shenanigans going down in the sea of faux witches, mummies, and vamps. On the plus side, I’m looking forward to hotel sex with my hotter that heck werewolf mate. However, nookie time is nada. Believe it or not, a gay fainting goat shifter, a magical mystery woman, and a dude who looks alarmingly like me have shown up to complicate matters. A mystery witch is dealing in blood. I might have a twin. Where do gay fainting goat shifters come from anyway? And I will be seriously put out if I can’t have hotel sex. But I’m motivated...by multiple big O’s. Let the motherhumpin’ witch-hunt begin.
©2019 Robyn Peterman (P)2019 Robyn Peterman
Misty's Mayhem
Summary
Misty What’s love got to do with it? If you’re Cupid, everything. If you’re me, not a thing in the sea. I don’t believe in love. Poseidon is smoking some bad seaweed if he expects me to take the one job I’m obviously not qualified for. Rumor has it, Cupid is a chubby baby with a bad attitude. That’s all I need. A pissed off porcine toddler with love arrows gunning for my tail because I took his job. On top of that, the idiot I’m kind of seeing who shall remain nameless - mostly because I don’t know his name...don’t judge - left red and silver magic all over my skin and hair last time we...umm...went on a date. And guess what? It doesn’t wash off. Poseidon saw me sparkling away and now I’m freakin’ Cupid. Getting to the bottom of this abyss means finding what’s his name and thrashing his fine, smexy behind with my fin. Why does this send shivers of delight all the way to the tip of my tail you might ask? I have no clue and no time to figure it out. Don’t judge. I’m about to give love a bad name. Cupid Love is a fool’s game. Or at least I thought so for the past millennium. Getting fired by a slightly inebriated God of the Sea isn’t so bad as long as you can find your way past the slurring of his words. Finding out Poseidon’s replacing me with the Mermaid I’ve been seeing for the past 50 years is an arrow straight to the heart. And not the good kind. No big deal, right? I’ll just go to her and explain the job is mine. End of story. Of course, it could get a bit awkward since we never actually exchanged names. I’m Cupid and will always be Cupid. Sure, I may have slacked off a little and caused a tear in the abyss that may have possibly let some Demons through to this plane. I mean, who doesn’t let that happen every now and again? But the word around Mt. Olympus is that said Demons are coming for Cupid. And if she’s Cupid and I’m not, then they’re coming for my Mermaid. Unacceptable. It might be a battlefield - but in the name of love, I’ll fight for this crazy little thing.
©2018 Robyn Peterman (P)2018 Audible, Inc.
Petunia's Pandemonium
Summary
Mix one part Mermaid - one part Genie. Throw in an intoxicated God of the Sea and and a few smack-talking Pirates. What have you got? Pandemonium. Petunia's Pandemonium to be more accurate. Petunia Letting the ocean current take me where it may for the last 25 years hasn't worked out so great. So, instead of getting my tail in a knot, I'm making some swimmingly simple changes. Stay on Mystical Isle with my cousins who love me. Avenge my parents and eliminate the sea monster who's wreaking havoc. Forget about the gorgeous, no-good Genie who left me at the altar...so to speak. Stay away from Genies until the end of time. Join Poseidon's embarrassingly named online dating service for Immortals and get back into the game. What could go wrong? Del I'm a Genie in a bottle baby. Or at least I was. After spending a quarter of a century, doing time for streaking at the Super Bowl after being destroyed by love, I'm a free man. It's time to get my life together and forget about the Mermaid who didn't want me. The list is simple. Stop granting wishes to idiots. Figure out why the Genie Star Fire Light in my eyes is burning out before I die a slow agonizing death. Eat an outstanding cheeseburger. Stay away from Mermaids. Join Poseidon’s embarrassingly named online dating service for Immortals and get back into the game. It's a plan. Not necessarily a stellar one, but it's a plan. Come for the Vacation. Stay for the Shenanigans!
©2019 Robyn Peterman (P)2020 Audible, Inc.
A Fashionable Fiasco
Summary
It’s not nice to mess with Mother Nature. Really, it’s not. This is simply not my week. Finding out I can’t cook is appalling. My luncheon with the big-boned Immortal socialites went to Hell in a handbasket. I’ve been hoping to join the Fearsome Five and make it the Psycho Six. However, the chances of that happening now are looking slim. Of course, I could force my way in since I’m Mother freakin’ Nature, but I want to be accepted for being me - and because I’m fabulous. It’s bad enough my two sons, God and Satan, are driving me to crazy town while my best friend, Mr. Rogers, is riding in the backseat having a breakdown. It’s definitely not a beautiful day in the neighborhood of Purgatory.... God has taken up softball and is impossible to get ahold of just when I need to chat with him about the impending end of the world. And Satan. Satan has agreed to grocery shop with me so I don’t show up at his next poker game in Hell and pole dance. See, I’m certain if I find the famous chef Betsy Cocker and learn to cook I can halt the end times. According to the internet, she resides in aisle three. What I really want is to be left alone with Bill - the love of my Immortal life. And for the world to not come to a cataclysmic and fiery end because that is unacceptable. God tells me the end times aren’t on his schedule, but the strange days afoot and the physical changes in Bill tell me otherwise. And I would know. Normally, I create all the strange days. There is no storm strong enough to defeat me. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Mother Nature. I am the mother humpin’ storm. And it’s not over until I say it’s over.
©2019 Robyn Peterman (P)2019 Audible, Inc.
Sea Shenanigans: Volume 1
Summary
Come for the vacation. Stay for the shenanigans! Mermaids. Check. Pirates, Selkies, and Demi-Gods. Check. Check. Check. Come on an adventure with my Mermaids and their unlikely heroes. Get three hilarious stories all in one big book! The Sea Shenanigans Series has been a delight to write and I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I loved writing it. xoxo Robyn Book 1 - Tallulah’s Temptation Running a tourist trap for humans in the Bermuda Triangle had sounded like a fine plan - until it wasn’t. With the Sea Hags gunning for our island, I did what any desperate Mermaid would do. I called for backup. Unfortunately, they sent Pirate Doug, the scoundrel that pillaged our treasure along with my heart. What in the Chicken of the Sea was I thinking? Book 2 - Ariel’s Antics What in a clam shell does a Mermaid have to do to find true love? Saving my island home is a must. However, the mission is to seek out the very Selkie who stole my heart, the same asshat whose Johnson I’d tried to truncate. Ask any tuna you happen to see. Who’s the craziest Mermaid? That would be me. Book 3 - Misty’s Mayhem What’s love got to do with it? If you’re Cupid, everything. If you’re me, not a thing in the sea. I don’t believe in love. Poseidon is smoking some bad seaweed if he expects me to take the one job I’m obviously not qualified for…The God of Love. Stay tuned because I’m about to give love a bad name.
©2018 Robyn Peterman (P)2019 Audible, Inc.
Magically Delicious
Summary
What does a hungry, pregnant witch do when her whole freaking town goes on a no-carb diet? I'll tell you what. She goes on the sly and conjures up some anchovy-chocolate chunk cookies dipped in hot sauce - that's what. Of course my cheating gets complicated when all of the magic in the world goes on the fritz. To solve that particular wrinkle, I'll have to finally find the source of the lurking evil. Easier said than done. Maybe if I wasn't pregnant and starving, I could deal with the nasty old witch who resides in a gingerbread house. Add in carb-eating fairies who speak French and three rotund familiars who enjoy defacing property with profane graffiti and what you get is almost more trouble than I can handle in my baby-baking condition. I'm still not convinced I won't be giving birth to puppies since the smokin' hot father of my babies is a werewolf, and no one has given me any concrete proof to the contrary. Getting knocked up by the werewolf of my dreams was all kinds of awesome in practice, but the reality of becoming a mother scares me more than Baba Yaga's horrendous 1980's wardrobe. Monstrous decisions with enormous ramifications are best handled with meticulous planning or - in my case - after eating a giant mustard slathered jelly doughnut. Neither of those options is possible at the moment, but since there is no way I'm bringing my children into a magicless world, winging it will just have to work. Wait...was that a contraction I just felt? Goddess help us all.
©2016 Robyn Peterman (P)2016 Robyn Peterman
Your Broom or Mine?
Summary
What’s a tree sprite to do when she’s stumped? Get to the root of the problem, of course. Only, I wood get stuck in a tree with the warlock I love camped out next to it, mea culpa-ing for being a turdwaffle for the last decade. What should I do about it? Umm...stay in the tree and enjoy the show. Location: Assjacket, West Virginia (Who in their right mind named this town?) Mission: get out of the tree and dropkick the warlock who forgot to mention he was in love with me until I was stuck in a tree. Obstacles: just about everything - crazy, foulmouthed witches, accident-prone shifters and a musical production of Jaws. The problem: a vicious slug shifter who will do anything to ruin my future. The solution: With a little luck, a whole bunch of salt, a pinch of magic, and the help of my certifiable new buddies, I might just survive long enough to put down some new roots. And if the journey in the woods gets too crazy? Not a problem. I’ll just branch out and take the psychopath.
©2020 Robyn Peterman (P)2020 Robyn Peterman