Cover art for Squeeze Me

Squeeze Me

30 ratings

Summary

“If you could use some wild escapism right now, Hiaasen is your guy.” (Janet Maslin, The New York Times) From the author of Skinny Dip and Razor Girl, a hilarious, New York Times best-selling novel of social and political intrigues, set against the glittering backdrop of Florida’s gold coast. It's the height of the Palm Beach charity ball season: For every disease or cause, there's a reason for the local luminaries to eat (minimally), drink (maximally), and be seen. But when a prominent high-society dowager suddenly vanishes during a swank gala, and is later found dead in a concrete grave, panic and chaos erupt.  Kiki Pew was notable not just for her wealth and her jewels - she was an ardent fan of the Winter White House resident just down the road, and a founding member of the POTUSSIES, a group of women dedicated to supporting their President. Never one to miss an opportunity to play to his base, the President immediately declares that Kiki was the victim of rampaging immigrant hordes. This, it turns out, is far from the truth. The truth might just lie in the middle of the highway, where a bizarre discovery brings the First Lady's motorcade to a grinding halt (followed by some grinding between the First Lady and a love-struck Secret Service agent).  Enter Angie Armstrong, wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, who arrives at her own conclusions after she is summoned to the posh island to deal with a mysterious and impolite influx of huge, hungry pythons.... Carl Hiaasen can brighten even the darkest of days and Squeeze Me is pure, unadulterated Hiaasen. Irreverent, ingenious, and highly entertaining, Squeeze Me perfectly captures the absurdity of our times. 

©2020 Carl Hiaasen (P)2020 Random House Audio

Narrator: Scott Brick
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins
Available on Audible
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Razor Girl

9 ratings

Summary

The new full-tilt, unstoppably hilarious and entertaining novel from the best-selling author of Skinny Dip and Bad Monkey.  When Lane Coolman's car is bashed from behind on the road to the Florida Keys, what appears to be an ordinary accident is anything but (this is Hiaasen!). Behind the wheel of the other car is Merry Mansfield - the eponymous Razor Girl - and the crash scam is only the beginning of events that spiral crazily out of control while unleashing some of the wildest characters Hiaasen has ever set loose. There's Trebeaux, the owner of Sedimental Journeys - a company that steals sand from one beach to restore erosion on another...Dominick "Big Noogie" Aeola, a NYC mafia capo with a taste for tropic wear...Buck Nance, a Wisconsin accordionist who has rebranded himself as the star of a redneck reality show called Bayou Brethren...A street psycho known as Blister who's more Buck Nance than Buck could ever be...Brock Richardson, a Miami product-liability lawyer who's getting dangerously - and deformingly - hooked on the very ED product he's litigating against...And Andrew Yancy - formerly Detective Yancy, busted down to the Key West roach patrol after accosting his then-lover's husband with a Dust Buster. Yancy believes that if he can singlehandedly solve a high-profile murder, he'll get his detective badge back. That the Razor Girl may be the key to Yancy's future will be as surprising as anything else he encounters along the way - including the giant Gambian rats that are livening up his restaurant inspections. 

©2016 Carl Hiaasen (P)2016 Random House Audio

Narrator: John Rubinstein
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 12 hrs and 20 mins
Available on Audible
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Double Whammy

6 ratings

Summary

"Robert Clinch loved his boat more that anything else in the world...more than his wife...his kids...his girlfiend...even more than the largemouth bass he was pursuing." Thus begins a twisted tale of murder in the world of big-stakes bass fishing tournaments. Filled with ex-wives, evangelists, and an armed pit-bull, this is a story that could only be concocted by Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and czar of Florida noir fiction.

©1988 Carl Hiaasen (P)1998 Recorded Books, LLC

Narrator: George Wilson
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
Available on Audible
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Skinny Dip

6 ratings

Summary

When Chaz Perron's wife discovers that he is running a scam (posing as a marine biologist to doctor water samples so that an agribusiness tycoon can continue illegally dumping fertilizer into the Everglades), he pushes her overboard from a cruise liner. Unlucky for Chaz, Joey survives clutching a bale of Jamaican pot. Rescued from the Atlantic by a former police officer, Mick Stranahan, she decides not to report him but instead haunt and taunt him, with Mick's help, by playing dead. As a result, Chaz becomes increasingly erratic and inept, a fact noticed by his ruthless and cold-blooded coworkers. Also, the six-time-married Mick rediscovers the thwarted romantic in him, believing that the seventh time might be the charm.

©2004 Carl Hiaasen (P)2004 Books on Tape, Inc.

Narrator: Stephen Hoye
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 13 hrs and 36 mins
Available on Audible
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Chomp

5 ratings

Summary

Wahoo Cray lives in a zoo. His father is an animal wrangler, so he's grown up with all manner of gators, snakes, parrots, rats, monkeys, snappers, and more in his backyard. The critters he can handle. His father is the unpredictable one. When his dad takes a job with a reality TV show called "Expedition Survival!", Wahoo figures he'll have to do a bit of wrangling himself - to keep his dad from killing Derek Badger, the show's boneheaded star, before the shoot is over. But the job keeps getting more complicated. Derek Badger seems to actually believe his PR and insists on using wild animals for his stunts. And Wahoo's acquired a shadow named Tuna - a girl who's sporting a shiner courtesy of her old man and needs a place to hide out. They've only been on location in the Everglades for a day before Derek gets bitten by a bat and goes missing in a storm. Search parties head out and promptly get lost themselves. And then Tuna's dad shows up with a gun. It's anyone's guess who will actually survive "Expedition Survival".

©2012 Carl Hiaasen (P)2012 Listening Library

Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
Available on Audible
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Squirm

4 ratings

Summary

A wildly entertaining adventure involving snakes, grizzlies, a menacing drone, a missing father, and the kid determined to find him. In classic Hiaasen fashion, the animals here are wild, and the people are wilder!   Some facts about Billy Dickens: He once saw a biker swerve across the road in order to run over a snake. Later, that motorcycle somehow ended up at the bottom of a canal. Billy isn't the type to let things go. Some facts about Billy's family: They've lived in six different Florida towns because Billy's mom insists on getting a house near a bald eagle nest. Billy's dad left when he was four and is a total mystery. Billy has just found his dad's address - in Montana. This summer, Billy will fly across the country, hike a mountain, float a river, dodge a grizzly bear, shoot down a spy drone, save a neighbor's cat, save an endangered panther, and then try to save his own father.  "A fun romp that will keep readers hooked." (The New York Times)

©2018 Carl Hiaasen (P)2018 Listening Library

Narrator: Kirby Heyborne
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
Available on Audible
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Hoot

4 ratings

Summary

Roy Eberhardt has recently, and unhappily, arrived in Florida. "Disney World is an armpit," he states flatly, "compared to Montana." Roy's family moves a lot, so he's used to the new-kid drill. Florida bullies are pretty much like bullies everywhere. But Roy finds himself oddly indebted to the hulking Dana Matherson. If Dana hadn't been sinking his thumbs into Roy's temples and mashing his face against the school-bus window, Roy might never have spotted the running boy. And the running boy is the first interesting thing Roy's seen in Florida. The boy was about Roy's age, but he was running away from the school bus. He had no books, no backpack, and, here's the odd part, no shoes. Sensing a mystery, Roy sets himself on the boy's trail. The chase will introduce him to some other intriguing Floridian creatures: potty-trained alligators, a beleaguered construction foreman, some burrowing owls, a fake-fart champion, a renegade eco-avenger, some slippery fish, a sinister pancake PR man, and several extremely poisonous snakes with unnaturally sparking tails. Life in Florida is looking up. Hoot is a 2003 Newbery Medal Honor Book.

©2002 Carl Hiaasen (P)2002 Random House, Inc., Listening Library, An Imprint of Random House Audio Publishing Group

Narrator: Chad Lowe
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
Available on Audible
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Stormy Weather

3 ratings

Summary

Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and best-selling author, has earned a reputation for perceptive, sharp-edged suspense that also cuts to the bone of environmental issues. His novels have been translated into many languages and are touted worldwide for their quirky characters and surreal adventures set in the ravaged cultural wasteland of southern Florida. Stormy Weather centers on the aftermath of Hurricane Andrew. The devastation of the storm has attracted crowds of voyeurs and impostors to Florida. Drawn by the chance to prey on Andrew's victims, misfits like the murderous ex-con Snapper and the dangerously seductive Edie find easy targets for their insurance scams. They're not prepared, though, when they meet their opposition, led by a hoary ex-governor who smokes toads. Both hilariously funny and deadly accurate, Carl Hiaasen's novel will take you into a Florida that is far from the frilly palms and pink flamingos of its post cards. Strap on your seatbelt. Stormy Weather is an unforgettable, turbulent ride.

©1995 Carl Hiaasen (P)1997 Recorded Books, LLC

Narrator: George Wilson
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 14 hrs and 15 mins
Available on Audible
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Native Tongue

3 ratings

Summary

Ex-reporter Joe Winder had been working in the public relations department of a sleazy family entertainment park, The Amazing Kingdom of Thrills, when he chanced upon a news-breaking story inspired by the disappearance of two blue-tongued voles and the bizarre death of Orky, the killer whale.

©1991 Carl Hiaasen (P)1992 Recorded Books

Length: 15 hrs and 51 mins
Available on Audible
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Flush

3 ratings

Summary

You know it's going to be a rough summer when you spend Father's Day visiting your dad in the local lockup.Noah's dad is sure that the owner of the Coral Queen casino boat is flushing raw sewage into the harbor, which has made taking a dip at the local beach like swimming in a toilet. He can't prove it though, and so he decides that sinking the boat will make an effective statement. Right. The boat is pumped out and back in business within days and Noah's dad is stuck in the clink. Now Noah is determined to succeed where his dad failed. He will prove that the Coral Queen is dumping illegally...somehow. His allies may not add up to much: his sister Abbey, an unreformed childhood biter; Lice Peeking, a greedy sot with poor hygiene; Shelly, a bartender and a woman scorned; and a mysterious pirate, but Noah's got a plan to flush this crook out into the open. A plan that should sink the crooked little casino, once and for all.

©2005 Carl Hiaasen (P)2005 Random House, Inc. Listening Library, an imprint of the Random House Audio Publishing Group

Narrator: Michael Welch
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 5 hrs and 22 mins
Available on Audible
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Tourist Season

3 ratings

Summary

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Carl Hiaasen's best-selling novels are funny and sardonic. Hilarious postcards of south Florida, they also decry the lurid commercialism that is draining and paving the tropical landscape. Tourist season is swinging into high gear in Miami. So are the activities of a bizarre terrorist group determined to keep the hapless "snowbirds" away. Armed with bombs, weed, and jumbled credos, they move toward their grand target, the Orange Bowl Parade, with plans to bring Miami and its tourist trade to a halt. The cast, which includes a deranged journalist, a visionary ex-jock, and a lovesick detective, is just the kind of company Carl Hiaasen's fans love to keep. Narrator George Wilson's performance lures each quirky character out into the full light of the Florida sun. With over half a million copies in print, this is one of Hiaasen's most popular works.

©1986 Carl Hiaasen (P)1998 Recorded Books, LLC

Narrator: George Wilson
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
Available on Audible
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Strip Tease

3 ratings

Summary

No matter what you heard or thought about the movie version of Strip Tease, forget it. Film simply can’t catch the layers of humor, satire, and imagination that author Carl Hiaasen creates in each of his novels. When a deranged Florida congressman falls for a gorgeous but virtuous stripper, he dedicates himself to pursuing this tasselled princess. Not only is she a real beauty, she’s a damsel in distress. The effects of his quest will ripple through the spotlights of the strip joint, the sugar cane fields of south Florida, and some powerful political careers. Fueled by innocent lust and dizzy miscalculations, this story will keep you howling with surprise. George Wilson’s colorful narration is the perfect vehicle for Carl Hiaasen’s twisted fairy tale.

©1993 Carl Hiaasen (P)1998 Recorded Books, LLC

Length: 15 hrs and 12 mins
Available on Audible
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Star Island

2 ratings

Summary

Meet 22-year-old Cherry Pye (née Cheryl Bunterman), a pop star since she was 14 - and about to attempt a comeback from her latest drug-and-alcohol disaster. Now meet Cherry again: in the person of her “undercover stunt double” Ann DeLusia. Ann portrays Cherry whenever the singer is too “indisposed” - meaning wasted - to go out in public. And it is Ann-mistaken-for-Cherry who is kidnapped from a South Beach hotel by obsessed paparazzo Bang Abbott. Now the challenge for Cherry’s handlers (über-stage mother; horndog record producer; nipped, tucked, and Botoxed twin publicists; weed whacker-wielding bodyguard) is to rescue Ann while keeping her existence a secret from Cherry’s public - and from Cherry herself. The situation is more complicated than they know. Ann has had a bewitching encounter with Skink - the unhinged former governor of Florida living wild in a mangrove swamp - and now he’s heading for Miami to find her.... Will Bang Abbott achieve his fantasy of a lucrative private photo session with Cherry Pye? Will Cherry sober up in time to lip-synch her way through her concert tour? Will Skink track down Ann DeLusia before Cherry’s motley posse does? All will be revealed in this hilarious spin on life in the celebrity fast lane. 

©2010 Carl Hiaasen (P)2010 Random House

Narrator: Stephen Hoye
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 11 hrs and 31 mins
Available on Audible
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Skinny Dip

2 ratings

Summary

Joey Perrone is a woman with a mission. She's just been pushed overboard from a cruise liner by Chaz, her scumbag husband, and survived to tell the tale. But rather than reporting the crime to the police, she decides to stay dead and instead of getting mad, get even. Filled with a host of endearingly offbeat characters, and a narrative that is hilarious, romantic, and thought-provoking by turns, Skinny Dip takes us on a journey through the warped politics of southern Florida, and through the madness created by the human heart.

©2004 BBC Audiobooks Ltd (P)2014 Audible, Inc.

Narrator: Jeff Harding
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 13 hrs and 50 mins
Available on Audible
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Basket Case

2 ratings

Summary

Once a hotshot investigative reporter, Jack Tagger now bangs out obituaries for a South Florida daily, "plotting to resurrect my newspaper career by yoking my byline to some famous stiff". Jimmy Stoma, the infamous front man of Jimmy and the Slut Puppies, dead in a fishy-smelling scuba "accident", might be the stiff of Jack’s dreams - if only he can figure out what happened. Standing in the way are (among others) his ambitious young editor, who hasn’t yet fired anyone but plans to "break her cherry" on Jack; the rock star’s pop-singer widow, who’s using the occasion of her husband’s death to relaunch her own career; and the soulless, profit-hungry owner of the newspaper, whom Jack once publicly humiliated at a stockholders’ meeting. With clues from the dead rock singer’s music, Jack ultimately unravels Jimmy Stoma’s strange fate - in a hilariously hard-won triumph for muckraking journalism, and for the death-obsessed obituary writer himself. "Always be halfway prepared" is Jack Tagger’s motto - and it’s more than enough to guarantee a wickedly funny, brilliantly entertaining novel from Carl Hiaasen.

©2002 Carl Hiaasen; 2013 Random House Audio

Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
Available on Audible
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Skink - No Surrender

2 ratings

Summary

The number-one New York Times best-selling author Carl Hiaasen serves up his unique brand of swamp-justice in Skink - No Surrender. Classic Malley - to avoid being shipped off to boarding school, she takes off with some guy she met online. Poor Richard - he knows his cousin’s in trouble before she does. Wild Skink - he’s a ragged, one-eyed ex-governor of Florida, and enough of a renegade to think he can track Malley down. With Richard riding shotgun, the unlikely pair scour the state, undaunted by blinding storms, crazed pigs, flying bullets, and giant gators. Carl Hiaasen first introduced readers to Skink more than 25 years ago in Double Whammy, and he quickly became Hiaasen’s most iconic and beloved character, appearing in six novels to date. Both teens and adults will be thrilled to catch sight of the elusive "captain" as he finds hilariously satisfying ways to stop Internet predators, turtle-egg poachers, and lowlife litterbugs in their tracks. With Skink at the wheel, the search for a missing girl is both nail-bitingly tense and laugh-out-loud funny.

©2014 Carl Hiaasen (P)2014 Listening Library

Narrator: Kirby Heyborne
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
Available on Audible
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Sick Puppy

2 ratings

Summary

When Palmer Stoat notices the black pickup truck following him on the highway, he fears his precious Range Rover is about to be carjacked. But Twilly Spree, the man tailing Stoat, has vengeance, not sport-utility vehicles, on his mind. Idealistic, independently wealthy, and pathologically short-tempered, Twilly has dedicated himself to saving Florida's wilderness from runaway destruction. He favors unambiguous political statements - such as torching Jet-Skis or blowing up banks - that leave his human targets shaken but re-educated.  After watching Stoat blithely dump a trail of fast-food litter out the window, Twilly decides to teach him a lesson. Thus, Stoat's prized Range Rover becomes home to a horde of hungry dung beetles. Which could have been the end to it had Twilly not discovered that Stoat is one of Florida's cockiest and most powerful political fixers, whose latest project is the "malling" of a pristine Gulf Coast island. Now the real Hiaasen-variety fun begins....  Dognapping eco-terrorists, bogus big-time hunters, a Republicans-only hooker, an infamous ex-governor who's gone back to nature, thousands of singing toads and a Labrador retriever greater than the sum of his Labrador parts - these are only some of the denizens of Carl Hiaasen's outrageously funny new novel.  Brilliantly twisted entertainment wrapped around a powerful ecological plea, Sick Puppy gleefully lives up to its title and gives us Hiaasen at his riotous and muckraking best.

©2000 Carl Hiaasen (P)2013 Random House Audio

Narrator: George Newbern
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
Available on Audible
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Bad Monkey

2 ratings

Summary

Andrew Yancy - late of the Miami Police and soon-to-be-late of the Monroe County sheriff’s office - has a human arm in his freezer. There’s a logical (Hiaasenian) explanation for that, but not for how and why it parted from its shadowy owner. Yancy thinks the boating-accident/shark-luncheon explanation is full of holes, and if he can prove murder, the sheriff might rescue him from his grisly Health Inspector gig (it’s not called the roach patrol for nothing). But first - this being Hiaasen country - Yancy must negotiate an obstacle course of wildly unpredictable events with a crew of even more wildly unpredictable characters, including his just-ex lover, a hot-blooded fugitive from Kansas; the twitchy widow of the frozen arm; two avariciously optimistic real-estate speculators; the Bahamian voodoo witch known as the Dragon Queen, whose suitors are blinded unto death by her peculiar charms; Yancy’s new true love, a kinky coroner; and the eponymous bad monkey, who with hilarious aplomb earns his place among Carl Hiaasen’s greatest characters. Here is Hiaasen doing what he does better than anyone else: spinning a tale at once fiercely pointed and wickedly funny in which the greedy, the corrupt, and the degraders of what’s left of pristine Florida - now, of the Bahamas as well - get their comeuppance in mordantly ingenious, diabolically entertaining fashion.

©2013 Carl Hiaasen (P)2013 Random House Audio

Narrator: Arte Johnson
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 11 hrs and 25 mins
Available on Audible
Cover art for Sick Puppy

Sick Puppy

1 rating

Summary

Idealistic, independently wealthy, and pathologically short-tempered, Twilly Spree has dedicated himself to saving Florida's wilderness from runaway destruction. When Palmer Stoat drops litter, Twilly decides to teach him a lesson.

©1999 Carl Hiaasen (P)2014 Audible, Inc.

Narrator: Nick Sullivan
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 12 hrs and 45 mins
Available on Audible
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Nature Girl

1 rating

Summary

Honey Santana, impassioned, willful, possibly bipolar, self-proclaimed "queen of lost causes", has a scheme to help rid the world of irresponsibility, indifference, and dinnertime sales calls. She's taking rude, gullible Relentless, Inc., telemarketer Boyd Shreave and his less-than-enthusiastic mistress, Eugenie, into the wilderness of Florida's Ten Thousand Islands for a gentle lesson in civility. What she doesn't know is that she's being followed by her Honey-obsessed former employer, Piejack. And he doesn't know he's being followed by Honey's still-smitten, former-drug-running ex-husband, Perry, and their wise-and-protective-way-beyond-his-years 12-year-old son, Fry. And when they all pull up on Dismal Key, they don't know they're intruding on Sammy Tigertail, a half white-half Seminole failed alligator wrestler, trying like hell to be a hermit despite the Florida State coed who's dying to be his hostage.

©2006 Carl Hiaasen (P)2006 Random House, Inc.

Narrator: Lee Adams
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 11 hrs and 28 mins
Available on Audible
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Skin Tight

1 rating

Summary

This novel by Carl Hiaasen, author of Tourist Season and Native Tongue, begins as most thrillers do, with a killing. But this is no everyday, hum-drum, garden variety killing. Our hero, Nick Stranahan, a 42-year-old private investigator who has killed five men and been married five times, skewers his attacker's aorta with the razor-sharp bill of a stuffed marlin, setting off a roller coaster ride of events that will drop-kick Stranahan into the deep slime of Miami's prosperous plastic surgery industry. As with Hiaasen's other books, Skin Tight is one long, extended farce, a comic take on everything from TV tabloid hosts to ambulance chasers, chronicling modern America's ever-growing penchant for tastelessness, self-absorption, and high sleaze. You will find yourself laughing in spite of yourself at wildly improbable characters like Chemo, a 7-foot monster with a face like a bowl of breakfast cereal; Heather Chappell, who wants to completely renovate her Barbi-doll body; and Reynaldo Flemm, the host of prime time's In Your Face, who stages mock attacks to his person in order to increase the Nielsen ratings.

©1989 Carl Hiaasen (P)1993 Recorded Books, LLC

Narrator: George Wilson
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 14 hrs and 48 mins
Available on Audible
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Assume the Worst

1 rating

Summary

This is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go - the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it. "This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning." So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after hearing Assume the Worst, is: Nobody. Following the format of Anna Quindlen's commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders's commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), this might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but. This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

©2018 Carl Hiaasen (P)2018 Random House Audio

Narrator: Carl Hiaasen
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 15 mins
Available on Audible
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Trap Line

Summary

Key West is a smuggler's paradise. All that's needed are the captains to run the contraband, and Breeze Albury is one of the best fishing captains on the Rock. He's in no mood to become the Machine's delivery boy, however. So the Machine sets out to persuade him. It starts by taking away Albury's livelihood and his freedom. But when the Machine threatens Albury's son, the washed-out wharf rat turns into a raging, sea-going vigilante.

©1982 Carl Hiaasen and Bill Montalbano (P)2012 Recorded Books, LLC

Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
Available on Audible
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The Downhill Lie

Summary

Originally drawn to the game by his father, Carl Hiaasen wisely quit golfing in 1973. But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the years - and memories of shanked 7-irons - faded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the dreaded driving range, this time as the father of a five-year-old son -and also as a grandfather. "What possesses a man to return in midlife to a game at which he'd never excelled in his prime, and which in fact had dealt him mostly failure, angst and exasperation? Here's why I did it: I'm one sick bastard." And thus we have Carl's foray into a world of baffling titanium technology, high-priced golf gurus, bizarre infomercial gimmicks and the mind-bending phenomenon of Tiger Woods - a maddening universe of hooks and slices where Carl ultimately (and foolishly) agrees to compete in a country-club tournament against players who can actually hit the ball. "That's the secret of the sport's infernal seduction," he writes. "It surrenders just enough good shots to let you talk yourself out of quitting." Hiaasen's chronicle of his shaky return to this bedeviling pastime and the ensuing demolition of his self-esteem - culminating with the savage 45-hole tournament - will have you rolling with laughter. Yet the bittersweet memories of playing with his own father and the glow he feels when watching his own young son belt the ball down the fairway will also touch your heart. Forget Tiger, Phil and Ernie. If you want to understand the true lure of golf, turn to Carl Hiaasen, who offers an extraordinary audiobook for the ordinary hacker.

©2008 Carl Hiaasen (P)2008 Random House, Inc.

Narrator: Carl Hiaasen
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
Available on Audible
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Scat

Summary

Mrs. Bunny Starch, the most feared biology teacher ever, was last seen during a field trip to Black Vine Swamp. The school's headmaster and the police seem to have accepted the sketchy, unsigned note explaining that her absence is due to a family emergency. Theres no real evidence of foul play. But still, Nick and Marta don't buy it. Something weird is definitely going on. Carl Hiaasen is a columnist for the Miami Herald and is the author of many best-selling titles, including Sick Puppy, Nature Girl, and The Downhill Lie.

©2009 Carl Hiaasen (P)2009 Listening Library

Narrator: Edward Asner
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
Available on Audible
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Powder Burn

Summary

New York Times best-selling author Carl Hiaasen teamed up with journalist Bill Montalbano for this gripping thriller. Powder Burn stars Chris Meadows, a successful Miami architect who's leaving a meeting with an ex-girlfriend when he sees a car strike his ex, killing her. But the nightmare is only just beginning. As a witness to the crime, Chris knows the car's passengers - thugs linked to Miami's deadliest drug lords - are sure to come after him next. But what can he do if the police refuse to give him protection?

©1981 Carl Hiaasen / Bill Montalbano (P)2011 Recorded Books, LLC

Narrator: Robert Ramirez
Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
Available on Audible
Cover art for Lucky You

Lucky You

Summary

Grange, Florida, is famous for its miracles - the weeping fiberglass Madonna, the Road-Stain Jesus, the stigmata man. And now it has JoLayne Lucks, unlikely winner of the state lottery. Unfortunately, JoLayne's winning ticket isn't the only one. The other belongs to Bodean Gazzer and his raunchy sidekick, Chub, who believe they're entitled to the whole $28 million jackpot. And they need it quickly, to start their own underground militia before NATO troops invade America. But JoLayne Lucks has her own plans for the Lotto money - an Eden-like forest in Grange must be saved from strip-malling. When Bode and Chub brutally assault her and steal her ticket, JoLayne vows to track them down, take it back - and get revenge. The only one who can help is Tom Krome, a big-city investigative journalist now bitterly consigned to writing frothy features for a midsized central Florida newspaper. With a persuasive nudge from JoLayne, Krome is about to become part of a story that's bigger and more bizarre than anything he's ever covered. Chasing two heavily armed psychopaths down the coast of Florida is reckless enough, but Tom's got other problems - the murderous attention of a jealous judge; an actress wife who turns fugitive to avoid divorce court; an editor who speaks in tongues; and Tom's own growing fondness for the future millionairess with whom he's risking his neck. The pursuit takes them from the surreal streets of Grange to a buzzard-infested island deep in Florida Bay, where they finally catch up with the fledgling militia - Chub, Bode Gazzer, a newly recruited convenience-store clerk, and their baffled hostage, a Hooters waitress. The climax explodes with the hilarious mayhem that is Carl Hiaasen's hallmark. Lucky You is his funniest, most deliriously gripping novel yet.

©2013 Carl Hiaasen (P)2013 Random House Audio

Narrator: George Newbern
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
Available on Audible
Cover art for Dance of the Reptiles

Dance of the Reptiles

Summary

If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, best-selling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen's Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories - large and small - that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction. Hiaasen offers his commentary - indignant, disbelieving, sometimes righteously angry, and frequently hilarious - on burning issues like animal welfare, polluted rivers, and the broken criminal justice system as well as the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, Bernie Madoff's trial, and the shenanigans of the recent presidential elections. Whether or not you have read Carl Hiaasen before, you are in for a wild ride.

©2014 Carl Hiaasen (P)2014 Random House Audio

Narrator: Arte Johnson
Category: History, Americas
Length: 12 hrs and 42 mins
Available on Audible
Cover art for Basket Case

Basket Case

Summary

Once a hotshot investigative reporter, Jack Tagger now bangs out obituaries for a South Florida daily, “plotting to resurrect my newspaper career by yoking my byline to some famous stiff.” Jimmy Stoma, the infamous front man of Jimmy and the Slut Puppies, dead in a fishy-smelling scuba “accident”, might be the stiff of Jack’s dreams - if only he can figure out what happened. Standing in the way are (among others) his ambitious young editor, who hasn’t yet fired anyone but plans to “break her cherry” on Jack; the rock star’s pop-singer widow, who’s using the occasion of her husband’s death to re-launch her own career; and the soulless, profit-hungry owner of the newspaper, whom Jack once publicly humiliated at a stockholders’ meeting. With clues from the dead rock singer’s music, Jack ultimately unravels Jimmy Stoma’s strange fate - in a hilariously hard-won triumph for muckraking journalism, and for the death-obsessed obituary writer himself. “Always be halfway prepared” is Jack Tagger’s motto - and it’s more than enough to guarantee a wickedly funny, brilliantly entertaining novel from Carl Hiaasen.

©2002 Carl Hiaasen; 2002 Random House Audio

Narrator: Carl Hiaasen
Author: Carl Hiaasen
Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
Available on Audible
Cover art for A Death in China

A Death in China

Summary

An American investigating his mentor's murder finds himself ensnared in a web of lies and treachery in China, where even tomorrow's weather is a state secret. From a nightmarish interrogation to assassination by cobra, A Death in China takes readers on a trip with no rest stops through a world of claustrophobic mistrust and terrifying danger.

©1984 Carl Hiaasen / Bill Montalbano (P)2012 Recorded Books. LLC

Narrator: James Yaegashi
Length: 11 hrs and 11 mins
Available on Audible