Jeff Strand has 29 audiobooks on Listento.it, narrated by 16 narrators, with an average listener rating of 4.4★ across 31 ratings. The most-rated is Year's Best Hardcore Horror, Volume 1.
Year's Best Hardcore Horror, Volume 1
Summary
Excerpt from the introduction: Editors Randy Chandler and Cheryl Mullenax put the call out to horror writers and editors of extreme stories, the hardcore stuff that breaks boundaries and trashes taboos, the transgressive tales you can't "unread" (as Chuck Palahniuk says). We staked out our territory and nailed this to the wall to guide us: Year's Best Hardest Horror Not your mama's best-of horror annual. This stuff comes from the edge of the abyss, stories you read at your own risk because you feel the abyss looking right back into you through the tainted lens of each twisted tale. Some of the stories you'll find here are loaded with very graphic descriptions of violence, sex, and depravities, while others may contain only one shocking moment of brutality. In others, the hardcore aspect may be less graphic and subtler than you might expect. Some of these quieter tales offer the listener some time to recover from the more disturbing ones preceding. Most of the stories collected here are from small and specialty press anthologies, with a few from periodicals, like the prestigious Splatterpunk Zine in the UK and Thuglit here in the US. Bizarro is also represented with a couple of tales from the unlikely anthology Blood for You: A Literary Tribute to GG Allin from Weirdpunk Books. (If you're not familiar with the late GG Allin, you can find snippets from some of his outrageous and obscene punk shows online, which will increase your appreciation of those two tales.) So for now, forget about that neighbor you suspect is a serial killer, don't worry about the drunk driver that could take you out on your next trip to the store, push those troubling news stories to the back of your mind, and immerse yourself in the imaginary horrors at hand. But don't be surprised if you sense something dark staring back at you from between the lines. That is to be expected when you enter these forbidding realms. With any luck, you may find something useful to help you survive the approaching Apocalypse. Full list of authors includes Adam Howe, Robert Essig, Adam Cesare, Clare de Lune, David James Keaton, and Monica J. O'Rourke.
©2016 Comet Press (P)2016 Comet Press
The Haunted Forest Tour
Summary
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haunted Forest Tour! Sit back, and enjoy a smooth ride in air-conditioned comfort as your heavily armored tram takes you through nature's most astonishing creation. The forest is packed to capacity with dangerous and terrifying creatures of all shapes, sizes, and hunger levels, and you'll get to observe these wonders in complete safety. Howl with a werewolf! Gaze into the glowing eyes of a giant spider! Look right through a spooky ghost! See horrific monsters you couldn't even imagine, only inches away from you! Things with fangs, things with claws, things with dripping red jaws - you'll see them all! Not thrilling enough? Well, it's Halloween, and so we're offering a very special tour through the Haunted Forest. The new route goes deeper into the woods than any civilians have ventured before, and you're guaranteed to get a good scare! Rest assured that every possible security precaution has been taken. The Haunted Forest Tour has a 100 percent safety record, and technical difficulties are unheard of. You will be in no danger whatsoever. We promise.
©2007 James A. Moore and Jeff Strand (P)2018 Tantor
Blister
Summary
They call her Blister. She's a hideously disfigured 23-year-old woman, living in a shed next to her father's house, hidden away from the world. Jason Tray is a successful cartoonist, banished to his agent's lakeside cabin for a few days of mandatory rest and relaxation. One night, while hanging out with a couple of the locals at a dive bar, he takes them up on their offer to go "see Blister," having no idea what they're talking about. He peeks through the window at the most nightmarish thing he's ever seen. In the morning, he wakes up, hung over and regretful. He's better than this. Does he need to apologize?
©2016 Jeff Strand (P)2016 Jeff Strand
Ferocious
Summary
From the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of The Haunted Forest Tour and Wolf Hunt comes another action-packed over-the-top creature feature! Rusty Moss has raised his niece Mia since she was a baby. Now that she's almost 18, he's worried that the life he's given her - living off the grid in a cabin deep in the woods - is holding her back from her full potential. But that angst gets pushed aside when the undead forest animals arrive. At first it's just a squirrel - shockingly violent and almost impossible to kill. Followed by a grizzly bear, also aggressive and resilient, even when point-blank shotgun blasts to the face are involved. Now the cabin is surrounded by all manner of zombie creatures. Rusty and Mia have no way to call for help. The truck that could take them to safety is three miles away, stuck in the mud. But Rusty and Mia have their courage. They have their wits. And, most importantly, they have an ax and a fully fueled chainsaw...
©2019 Jeff Strand (P)2019 Jeff Strand
Sick House
Summary
It's a home invasion from beyond the grave in this novel of unrelenting terror from the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Pressure, Dweller, and Wolf Hunt.
It doesn't seem like the perfect house, but screw it, it's good enough to rent for a year. Unfortunately for Boyd, Adeline, and their two young daughters, it's immediately clear they chose the wrong place.
The nightmare begins with violent coughs and headaches. Food starts to rot almost as soon as they take it inside. A pet tarantula goes missing. Some family members begin to exhibit creepy behavior.
Then the ghosts arrive, and all hell breaks loose....
©2018 Jeff Strand (P)2018 Jeff Strand
An Apocalypse of Our Own
Summary
Can the friend zone survive the end of the world? Missy and Kevin are friends. Just friends. They’d never actually date each other, because they’ve been friends since childhood, and that would be weird. Now it’s the apocalypse. People are leaking blood from their eyeballs and turning into homicidal oozing mutants. Fortunately, Kevin has access to an underground shelter, and he and Missy make it there in time to avoid a horrible gruesome death. But they’re trapped down there. Things are going to get weird. A gooey 24,000-word novella from the four-time Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of such demented horror/comedies as Blister, Wolf Hunt, Dead Clown Barbecue, and Benjamin's Parasite.
©2017 Jeff Strand (P)2018 Jeff Strand
Kutter
Summary
Charlie Stanlon is a serial killer. A ghastly, vicious sociopath who chains women to a table in his basement and tortures them to death. He has no friends. He has no family. He despises his co-workers. His only pleasure in life is to cause pain and terror... ...until the day he finds an adorable Boston terrier and takes it home. A 30,000-word novella from the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Pressure, Dweller, and Wolf Hunt.
©2010 Jeff Strand (P)2016 Jeff Strand
Stranger Things Have Happened
Summary
Harry Houdini. Penn and Teller. David Copperfield. Marcus Millian the Third. Okay, so Marcus isn't a famous magician. He may not even be a great magician. But his great-grandfather, the once-legendary and long-retired Zachary the Stupendous, insists Marcus has true talent. And when Grandpa Zachary boasts that he and Marcus are working on an illusion that will shock, stun, and astonish, Marcus wishes he could make himself disappear. The problem? Marcus also has stage fright - in spades. It's one thing to perform elaborate card tricks in front of his best friend, Kimberly, but it's an entirely different feat to perform in front of an audience. Then Grandpa Zachary dies in his sleep. To uphold his great-grandfather's honor, the show must go on. It would take a true sorcerer to pull off the trick Marcus has planned. But maybe he's the next best thing.
©2017 Jeff Strand (P)2017 Tantor
My Pretties
Summary
A novel of terror from the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Pressure. A serial kidnapper is preying upon women. He abducts them and then locks them in one of the cages dangling from the ceiling in a soundproofed basement. There, he sits quietly and just watches them, returning night after night, hoping he'll be in the room at the moment his beautiful captives finally starve to death. Charlene and Gertie have become fast friends at the restaurant where they work. But Charlene is concerned when she hears how her co-worker spends her evenings. Gertie's cousin is one of the missing, and Gertie wanders the city streets where many of the abductions took place, using herself as bait with a high-voltage stun gun in her pocket. Charlene reluctantly offers to trail her in a car, just in case she does lure the kidnapper and things go wrong. Unfortunately, the women find themselves the source of unwanted fame. And now, they're on the radar of a very, very dangerous man.
©2019 Jeff Strand (P)2019 Jeff Strand
Everything Has Teeth
Summary
Contains the Splatterpunk Award-winning story The Tipping Point. A city where people are turning gleefully insane. Inescapable blood-sucking bugs. A serial killer who may have discovered proof of alien life. A kinky proposal to "even out" an instance of infidelity. A man whose fingernails are growing at an out of control rate. Twisted new spins on the legends of John Henry and Humpty Dumpty. The all-time worst bathtub in which to bathe a child. The inconvenience of finding a dead Bigfoot in your yard. These are only a few of the stories in Jeff Strand's deranged new collection, which includes several macabre tales written just for these bloody audiobook. Table of contents: The Tipping Point Nails Stumps John Henry, The Steel Drivin' Man Fair Trade Chiggers Cry The Fierce Stabbing and Subsequent Post-Death Vengeance of Scooter Brown It's Bath Time! Alien Face Apocalypse of the Yard Gnome Dead Bigfoot on the Lawn Gross-Out: The Return Deformed Son The Origin of Slashy Secret Message (Decoded) The Sentient Cherry Cola That Tried to Destroy the World The Eggman Falleth The Story of My First Kiss Dad (A True Story) Bad Bratwurst
©2017 Jeff Strand (P)2019 Jeff Strand
Cyclops Road
Summary
Evan Portin is at a sad, scary place in his life. While taking a long walk to compose himself and figure out where to go from here, he encounters a young woman being mugged in a park. When he tries to intervene, he discovers that she doesn't need his help. At all. Her name is Harriett. She is very, very good at defending herself. Everything she owns is in a large backpack. She's never seen a cell phone. She's never been in a car. She's never really ventured into the outside world. And she says she's traveling across the country to slay a Cyclops. She's crazy, right? Evan is not in the habit of hanging out with delusional women he's just met. On the other hand, it can't hurt to offer her a ride out of town. And maybe this insane journey is exactly what he needs... A brand new adventure from the four-time Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Blister, Dweller, and Wolf Hunt.
©2016 Jeff Strand (P)2017 Jeff Strand
Allison
Summary
"Takes the girl-with-supernatural-powers-gets-pushed-too-far trope and makes it delicious again." (Errant Dreams) Allison can break your bones with her mind, and she can't control her power. Now 45 years old, she's spent her life trying to stay away from other people. But a random encounter with a couple on the street leaves her believing that she may have done something horrible. Something unforgivable. Killer-for-hire Daxton and his girlfriend Maggie know the truth. Instead of easing Allison's anguish, they come up with a cruel plan to take advantage of it. But with Allison's abilities exposed, there may be a grisly body count very soon.... From its shocking opening to its sinister conclusion, Allison is Jeff Strand at his over-the-top best!
©2020 Jeff Strand (P)2020 Jeff Strand
Suckers
Summary
Strand's perpetually unlucky character Andrew Mayhem sets off on a simple mission at the request of his wife: Get some spaghetti sauce. On his way to the store he meets Konrath's obnoxious private eye Harry McGlade, co-star of the Lt. Jack Daniels thrillers. Horrific violence, bad jokes, and lots of name calling soon ensues. Some sex, too, but not between the main characters.
©2008 J.A. Konrath and Jeff Strand (P)2011 Brilliance Audio, all rights reserved.
How You Ruined My Life
Summary
Rod's life doesn't suck. If you ask him, it's pretty awesome. He may not be popular, but he and his best friends play in a band that has a standing gig. Yeah, it's Monday night and they don't get paid, but they can crank the volume as loud as they want. And Rod's girlfriend is hot, smart, and believes in their band - believes in Rod. Aside from a winning lottery ticket, what more could he ask for? Answer: A different cousin. When Rod's scheming, two-faced cousin Blake moves in for the semester, Rod tries to keep calm. Blake seems to have everyone else fooled with his good manners and suave smile, except Rod knows better. Blake is taking over his room, taking over his band, taking over his life! But Rod's not about to give up without a fight. Game on. May the best prankster win....
©2018 Jeff Strand (P)2018 Tantor
Fangboy
Summary
Nathan Pepper seemed like an ordinary baby - except for a mouth full of scary sharp teeth. Because his life began with his grandmother strongly recommending that he be destroyed as soon as possible, it's safe to say that Nathan was not destined for a typical existence. He hated the nickname "Fangboy," but nobody could deny that he was the most frightening little boy in town. And he would have adventures of every sort. Tragic adventures, like what happened to his parents. Dangerous adventures, like his encounter with the sinister Professor Mongrel. Thrilling adventures, like the part where he's on an out-of-control horse and he can't make it stop running and you think "Well, he should just jump off," but he can't because it's going too fast and he could break a leg. And, yes, one particularly gruesome adventure, though it is not described in great detail. Will things end happily for Nathan? Will he bite somebody? Gather your family and your most deranged friends, make some chocolate chip cookies, and share the twisted comedy treat of Fangboy, a bizarre yet heartwarming yet rather tasteless saga that - all ego aside - will define a generation.
©2011 Jeff Strand (P)2017 Jeff Strand
Casket for Sale (Only Used Once)
Summary
In Graverobbers Wanted (no Experience Necessary), he took a job digging up a shallow grave. It turned out badly. In Single White Psychopath Seeks Same, he took a job as a bodyguard at a séance. It turned out worse. But now, meet the new, improved Andrew Mayhem. He has a real job. He’s a better father and husband. And he’s vowed to quit accepting money from strange women in coffee shops to perform tasks that go terribly, terribly wrong. This time, he’s just taking a relaxing camping trip with his family and best friend. No shortcuts. The gas tank is full. The sinister warning of the crazy old man is taken seriously. Unfortunately, when you’re Andrew Mayhem, you just can’t help being attacked by a group of savage killers bent on inflicting ghastly torture and bringing horrific death. Relentlessly pursued through a booby-trapped forest, it’s one crisis after another as Andrew fights to protect his family, loses a body part or two, and faces the single darkest moment of his entire life. Action-packed, twisted, and completely outrageous, Casket for Sale (Only Used Once) is the funniest and scariest Andrew Mayhem adventure yet!
©2004 Jeff Strand (P)2021 Jeff Strand
Kumquat
Summary
Thirty-five-year-old introvert Todd Bryan hasn't really done much with his life, and he's okay with that. Until, at a painfully bad film festival, he meets Amy Husk. She's attractive. She's funny. She's quirky. And...she has an inoperable brain aneurysm and not much time to live. She may not even make it to the long-awaited final episode of Exit Red, the greatest show ever. She convinces him that they should do something crazy and frivolous. And suddenly Todd, a guy who doesn't do spontaneity, is on an insane road trip from Florida to Rhode Island with a woman he barely knows, just to visit a really cool hot dog place. Many things will go wrong. But, hey, many things will go right, too. There's a hook-handed hitchhiker and some property destruction. Maybe some sex. A kumquat will probably be relevant at some point, although not during the sex (if there is any). A laugh-out-loud comedy, a touching love story, and a cross-country adventure, Kumquat is a story about making the most out of the time you've got.
©2014 Jeff Strand (P)2017 Tantor
I Have a Bad Feeling about This
Summary
Wilderness Survival Tip Number 1: Drinking your own sweat will not save your life. Somebody might have told you that, but they were trying to find out if you'd really do it. Henry Lambert would rather play video games than spend time in the great outdoors - but that doesn't make him a wuss. Skinny nerd? Fine. But wuss is a little harsh. Sadly, his dad doesn't agree. Which is why Henry is being shipped off to Strongwoods Survival Camp. Strongwoods isn't exactly as advertised. It looks like the victim of a zombie apocalypse, the "camp director" is a psycho drill sergeant, and Henry's sure he saw a sign written in blood... Wilderness Survival Tip Number 2: In case of an avalanche, don't despair. You're doomed, but that's a wicked cool death. Wilderness Survival Tip Number 3: If you're relying on this audiobook for actual survival tips, you're dead already.
©2014 Jeff Strand (P)2014 Audible Inc.
Wolf Hunt 3
Summary
Though still mourning his recent loss, George Orton is surprisingly content. He's living in a secure compound where teenaged werewolf Ally is being trained to control her animalistic tendencies, and mad science experiment Eugene has regained most of his sanity. George knows they can't stay there forever, but for now, things are pretty good. Then he receives some shocking news: People at the compound have brought his partner and best friend Lou back to life. Not as a flesh-eating zombie; he's the old Lou, as much of a wiseass as before. But this comes with a great big string attached: George and Lou must take a cross-country road trip to kill Asher Anderson, a cloak-wearing lycanthrope who would love to see a war between humans and werewolves. Does everything go wrong? Of course it does. This is George and Lou. But they won't travel alone. Because Lou isn't the only one who was brought back to life...
©2019 Jeff Strand (P)2020 Jeff Strand
Single White Psychopath Seeks Same
Summary
The second audiobook in the wildly popular series of horror/comedy novels featuring Andrew Mayhem! "Sometimes you wake up in the morning and you just know it’s going to be the kind of day where you end up tied to a chair in a filthy garage while a pair of tooth-deprived lunatics torment you with a chainsaw. So as I struggled against the ropes, I can’t say I was all that surprised.” Yes, Andrew Mayhem, hero of Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) is back. Still incredibly brave. Still ridiculously irresponsible. And this time, becoming chainsaw fodder is one of his lesser worries. He’s forced to pose as a serial killer known as The Headhunter in order to infiltrate a group of maniacs who’ve gathered in an isolated Alaskan mansion for a weekend of murderous games. Can he free the potential victims in time...or will he be forced to participate in their demise? Even more twisted than its predecessor, Single White Psychopath Seeks Same is another outrageous blend of the hilarious and the horrifying, one that will keep you laughing, gasping, and guessing from beginning to end.
©2011 Jeff Strand (P)2020 Jeff Strand